at least with the blogs i can gain some insight to what the hell im doing wrong, even if i dont know how to fix any of it.  i was told "leave me alone" today... and i have said the same thing in the past, but i never thought it hurt so much... i wont be saying that anymore...  i dont know how to convince the most important person in my life that they are, in fact, the most important person in my life.  there are no feelings that i have not admitted to.. there is no vast quantity of caring for the other one that needs to be worried about... but no matter how i put it or how many times i say it, i am not listened to and/or believed.  there is something wrong with my head today and yes i have all the support i need. i couldn't ask for better. but there is something in the way i am that just doesn't allow for the expression of anything but happiness without it being taken personally... something ill have to work on because just saying "its not directed at you" doesn't work. i guess taking someone at their word is just not possible for some.  ill have to learn to swallow the "bile" and "venom" and just get my thoughts out some other way.  didn't mean to infer that fire time can only happen with the other one present.  but that one was on me... bad timing and loss of words.  not an excuse.   so really, maybe it should be fMl... cuz i just cant seem to get it right